"Man that chick from Hanson is hot!"

I looked up from my magazine and frowned. "Who?"

"You know that new band? They were on Video Hits the other day." My brother Kevin was saying, walking from room to room across the hallway trying to locate a clean shirt. "The middle one. She's a babe."

"Oh really," I returned back to my Dolly magazine without much care. "Great."

"Yeah." He suddenly paused in front of my door, wearing nothing but Marvin boxer shorts. "Whatcha doing?"

"Reading duh!"

He ran forward and jumped onto my bed in front of me. "See if that chick is on there. I want a picture of her so I can marvel over her beauty in my room."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the quiz I was reading. "Can't you look through one of your mags?"

"Um, NO," he said sarcastically. "You've got the latest one and I doubt she'll be on the ones I have."

I glanced up and into his pleading blue eyes, he really did seem awfully keen. "Well hang on, I'll check." I flipped to the front and started skimming the pages. "What band's she in?"
"Hanson."

Stopping to a music page I scanned the page quickly with my eyes until I came across an article with the words HANSON printed in bold letters on the front of it. "Is this it?" I vaguely heard my brother mutter 'yes' in reply as I stared at the tiny photo of the group. I knew immediately what chick he was talking about. The band in general consisted of three girls....no wait, that one in the right was definitely a guy. The middle one reminded me of a younger version of Claire Danes and the one leaning closest to the camera with a big smile on her face was the one that my brother had fallen head over heels with. "Is that her?"

"Oh yes!" he grabbed the mag out of my hands and stared at it with a dreamy smile on his face. "Wow! She's beautiful isn't she?"

I didn't comment. After all, my brother was forever falling in love with girls he had NO chance with. This one however, caught my attention. Yes, I admit she was a hottie and it didn't really surprise me that my brother would fall for her. She was the typical blonde hair, blue eyes type that average teenage boys would go for. But something didn't seem right. I wondered if I had seen her before somewhere cos she looked awfully familiar.

"Can I have it?" he asked anxiously.

"What? The picture?"

"Yes."

I snatched the magazine back from him and began to read the little article under the Hanson picture. "What's the deal anyway? They can't be much older than us."
He sighed impatiently, leaning in over the page trying to get another look at them. "Would you hurry up? I want to cut the pic out."

"Oh man, someone's getting a wee tad impatient over a stupid picture." I started reading the article, or trying to as he kept breathing deeply down my neck. "Would you mind?"
He finally sat back pouting. "You're so touchy."

"Eleven, fourteen and sixteen......from Tulsa OK......has a single out called MMMBop.....new album coming out next month......What the heck is MMMBop?"

“Hmmm?” I realized he wasn’t paying any attention to me since he was too busy staring intensely at the picture of that girl. “I wonder what her name is.”

“Kevin, close your mouth and stop drooling all over the page.” I teased, pushing him playfully to the side.

“You’re just jealous.”

“Of what?”

“You know what? You’re just not as hot as she is.” He teased back, tearing his eyes away from the picture for a few seconds.

This time I really let him have it.

“Ouch!” he cried as he started rubbing the spot on his shoulder where I had punched him. “I was just joking.”

I laughed. “Man you’re such a wuss.”

“So anyway, can I have it?”

I considered for a moment. “Yeah sure, why not.”

“Thanks sis, you’re not that bad after all.” Leaping up he tore the little picture out of the mag and ran out of my room.

Over the past few weeks or so my brother really started having this thing for this girl whose name was later found out to be Taylor. I swear he was getting so hooked on this girl. He was always talking about her that it was driving everyone around him pretty nuts. He had started quite a collection of posters on her and the band and had plastered it all over his wall. I asked him once what he saw in her that was so special and he just gave me this dorky smile like he was some love sick puppy and said, “It’s hard to explain what I love about her but I do believe she is the one for me.” I mean, come on! He was in way over his head now.

Well it seemed things only turned from bad to worse.

It must off been the symptoms of love sickness because soon after he started getting obsessed with this chick he started acting really strange. First of all my brother had always being the biggest joker on our block, plus he never took anything or anyone seriously, as if the world was just a big joke to him, maybe that was why he could never keep a girlfriend longer than a week, he was the type to cheat on girls one after another as if they were just toys; use them once and when he gets bored just go out and get another one. You know the type. Well now he’s like a completely different person, he’d finally grown up. He’d sometimes go into these depressions of his and be stuck there for days. Soon everyone were really starting to worry about him, I mean the sudden change of character were SO eerie. We figured maybe this so-called crush on this girl Taylor, was much more than a crush. It was a deadly thing called obsessed!
The sad part was, Taylor Hanson; the girl my brother had fallen madly in love with, actually turned out to be a guy!! A GUY!?!?

Yep, can you just image the horror and mortification my brother must have being through?
I know I would have been.

One night I had to call him down to dinner and when I walked into his room he was sitting quietly on his bed with a small picture cut-out in his hand. He was just sitting there staring at it, not saying or doing anything.

“Kevin?”

“What?” he looked up surprised.

“Dinner’s ready.” I said, but instead of leaving I decided to stay a while. “What are you doing?”

He glanced back down at the picture in his hand and didn’t reply.

Quietly I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him, glancing over his shoulder I caught a glimpse of that first picture of Hanson he had wanted way back when he was still same old Kevin Morgan that I had grown up with. “What’s wrong?”

It took him a while to reply. “Ali, do you ever wonder if we’re really who we think we are?”
“Huh?”

“You know, like maybe you’re this way only because people want you to be.”

I frowned. “What are you saying Kev?” For the first time I realized his eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

 “You know that Taylor…” he gestured to the photo in his hand, “He’s a guy.”

“Yeah I knew that.” I chuckled. “Half my friends are in love with him.”

He looked up at me woefully. “Well you know that I did too….at one stage.”

“Yeah…” I put a comforting hand on his shoulder and urged him to continue.

“Well.” He took a deep breath. “When I found out she was actually a guy…I was….confused, angry and sad all at the same time. I thought I’d known all about her, but in fact I didn’t at all.”
I nodded. “I know it must be hard…”

“Ali, I think I’m gay.”

I stared at him wide eyed, not knowing what to say. He had GOT to be kidding. “You’re kidding right?”

He tore his eyes away from mine and I could tell this wasn’t exactly thrilling news to him either. “The reason I know is that, after all these mixed emotions passed, I just didn’t care. My feelings hadn’t really changed. I was still in love with him, in fact I think I was almost glad, because I had always known deep down that he was male, but just didn’t want to admit it.”
I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. No wonder he had being acting so weird lately.
“So you’re sure?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

I inhaled deeply and turned to look at the picture in his hand. “I don’t really know what to say.”

He gave me a half smile and nodded. “That’s ok. Just promise me one thing ok?”

“Yeah sure, what?”

“Don’t tell anyone about this, especially mum and dad. I don’t know how they’d take it.”
I brushed a lock of blond hair out of his eyes. “Sure I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me.” We were silent for a moment. “I’m glad you told me.”

He grinned. “Yeah I’m glad too.”

We hugged and right then I felt closer to my brother than I had in a long time. It had being a while since we last hugged and it felt really nice.

“We better go eat tea now or else mum will throw a fit about the food getting cold,” I said pulling away.

“Yeah, ok.”

As I got up I saw him take one last look at the picture in his hand before tossing it into his drawer and I wrapped my arms around his. He really wasn’t a bad brother after all.

After that, things at home went by like it always did, Kevin soon learned to accept himself and began interacting with his friends and family. I started to see my brother in a different light. It’s strange but I’m kind of glad that Taylor Hanson came into our lives the way he had because then my brother would never have changed into this wonderful caring and supportive person that he was. Of course Kevin still had this massive crush on Taylor…one that lasted through 97 and 98 and then half way through 99 he stopped talking about him. I mean I was the only one he came to, to talk about his feelings for Taylor and that must have been hard for him during the first year because that was all he cared about.

Now, three years later I wonder if he still remembers….